Daughter, Sister, wife, mother, aunt, grandmother, friend….these are a few words used to describe my mother…but, one word can encompass them all….Caregiver.
It is true that mothers give the most of themselves to their family and especially their children, but Mom gave to many people beyond her nuclear family. In 1962, when she said “I Do” and married our father, she took on the additional responsibility of helping with the care of my grandparents, uncles and the family business. During her many hospital stays at Stanford this year, it has taken many people to help fill in for Mom’s absence. Besides farm business, there were medications to be ordered and organized, doctor’s appointments to be scheduled and attended with my father, brother and uncle. Mom would do all of this at a blink of the eye….to make up for her absence it took not only my brothers and myself, but, cousins and friends to help make up for the hole.
Many of her concerns should she have a liver transplant, was not about her own recovery, but how it would affect the family. Dad and Gary have to work, Dean needs to go to his workshop, Dave and I have our own families. One day I did get the truth out of her…she was afraid that she could never pay us back for helping her. I tried to explain to her that she had “paid it forward” and that we were paying her back for all of the things she has done for us…but, she was not used to accepting help…only giving it.
You would think that she would have had her hands full with the family and farm business, but she also made time to help here at the temple. While we were growing up, Mom would always be there to help at our youth group fundraisers and conferences. Although it was exhausting for her in the recent years, she enjoyed working at Fujinkai and temple activities especially helping to organize the Obon pastry booth. During her last hospital stay in April, she was VERY concerned about the “Food Sale” tickets. (BTW: the food sale is being held tomorrow) She would ask “Where are the tickets? We need to find out who will be home. How many tickets do we need? We need to get the money and ticket counts in.” She would go on for a while…until I told her that I had spoken to Carol and everything is taken care of. (BTW: I need some tickets).
Also during her last stay at Stanford, I started a Blog, an online diary of Mom’s status during the last hospital visit. In one of the posts I mentioned the song, The Dash. My husband, Jeffrey, played it at his father’s memorial a few years ago. It tells about a man reading a Eulogy at a friend's memorial. He read the dates of her birth and death...but, the most important part was the "dash" that separated the dates. The song goes on to explain, that the most important part of a person's life, is how they "live their dash". It doesn't matter how much money a person makes, or what car they drive...what matters is how they "live"...Doris and Teri both spoke of Mom’s Dash…it was huge, she touched many people’s lives. I am so proud to have a mother with such a full dash.
Thank you to everyone who sent flowers, cards, emails, FB posts and Blog comments during Mom’s illness. We read Mom all of the letters and emails…and she appreciated your concern and get well wishes. The family thanks you for being Mom’s friend and allowing her to “care for you”…and thank you Mom for being the best caregiver we will ever have.
My brother Dave would like to say a few words.
